Behind the Scenes
by RabidSonicFan
Summary: Exactly what the title [may or may not, I don't know] suggests: Disney characters doing humorous monologues/interviews/whatever-I-feel-like doing-shut-up about goings on behind the scenes so I don't have to write in prose! This won't be a waste of your time! You'll like it (maybe)! I promise!
1. Maleficent

**Maleficent**

Oh. Hello; I didn't hear you come in…! Mostly because I'm filming this "featurette" at a studio in California...! Is this thing on?

*TAKE 2*

Greetings, all! As you all may or may not know depending on how long I draw out this introduction, my name is Maleficent, Mistress of All Evil, and I'm here to take you Behind the Scenes of my new movie: _Maleficent_! What will those geniuses at the marketing department think of next…? Anyhow, some of you may think that this is a cynical cash grab made to capitalize on _Wicked_ and the various "_dark 'n edgy_" fairy tale film adaptations that have been released in recent years…! Well, in all actuality, I think you need to shut up, BEFORE I STAB YOU IN THE—

*TAKE 3*

I'm, uh… Sorry you had to see that… Or at least that's what Disney's lawyers are making me say. In this new re-imagining of the 1959 classic _Sleeping Beauty _(even though I'm pretty sure I had more screen time than her anyway), I'm the _hero_…! Which, wasn't my, um… _preferred_ choice, but hey, I get royalty checks out of it, so you won't be hearing any complaining from me.

From what I gathered in the test screenings that I have to watch every two weeks (and definitely not just guessing the plot from various trailers), I'm banished by the fairy people or something for having freakishly large crow wings… and then they rip off my freakishly large crow wings. A bit excessive if you ask me, but freakishly large crow wings aren't exactly my style anyway… and if you can't tell, I like to say "freakishly large crow wings". Also, they say they're going to make me re-do the synopsis if I say that one more time, so I'll move on…

Meanwhile, years later, I get all pis—uh… _testy,_ and I curse Aurora with the spinning wheel and stuff… only to end up befriending her later on, because I'm complicated, I guess. So, then, I create a bunch of plant monsters and so on, and have an all-out war with the king, who's the villain this time… yeah, we're role-swapped, because flat-out making a movie centering around a villain is kind of a hard sell for family entertainment, I guess. So, yeah, in the movie, I'm played by a whitewashed—I mean, um… Ms. Angelina Jolie...! Who is _not_ green!

*TAKE 4*

Apparently, I shouldn't get caught up in the whole "green" thing. Well, I'm _sorry_, but I find that _highly_ offensive and—

*TAKE 5*

WHAT DO YOU _MEAN_ YOU'RE JUST GOING TO DRAG IN ANGELINA IF I DON'T STOP…?! _AND WHO TOOK ALL OF THE RED M&MS?!_

*TAKE 6*

Okay, okay, I'm good now; you won't have to worry about any more cuts! But I'm gonna have to wrap this up real quick because I killed all of the crew members…! M&M…?


	2. Kingdom Hearts

**Kingdom Hearts**

Interviewer: In this edition of "_Behind the Scenes_", we'll be interviewing none other than Sora… uh… You have a last name, right…?

Sora: Well, I—

I: We'll get back to that later. Anyhow, our guest today is none other than the star of the Kingdom Hearts games... or at least half of them!

S: W-What about Coded?!

I: Data counterparts don't count.

S: Nuts…

I: So, moving on to the interview, our most requested question concerns the release date of—

S: It better not be about Kingdom Hearts III…!

I: Erm… Like I was saying… What exactly is going on with the story?

S: Well, um, you see… Don't you wanna ask what it's like working with the other actors or something…?

I: You've _gotta _answer a question sooner or later…!

S: Look; I don't know! After the first game or two, they just completely lost me; what with all of the "Nobodies" this and "**Darkness**" that…! I just try to memorize my lines; whenever I try to figure out what in the heck it all means, I just end up getting a headache… Heck, it gets worse with each installment; it's like, if I randomly sneeze during one cutscene, they have to write a whole new storyline around it in one of the spinoff games or something! I mean, I enjoy working on them and all, but… Just… Just don't ask me about the story, alright…?

I: Okay then…! So, can you tell us the release date of Kingdom Hearts Thr—

S: NO. Don't you have any other questions…?!

I: Um… How 'bout that Disney Infinity…?

S: It's neat, I guess; I'd like to be in it if they asked me. But don't you have any more questions about Kingdom Hearts?

I: … Is there gonna be a Frozen world in Kingdom Hearts III?

S: Are all of your questions about Kingdom Hearts III...?

I: Kinda…!

S: I'm not allowed to talk about any of that yet; and even if I _were_ allowed, it's not like I _make_ the games or anything! I know just about as much as you do!

I: So, you _don't _know anything about Kingdom Hearts III?

S: _**NO!**_

I: Oh… Well, it looks like we've run out of time!

S: _WHAT?!_

I: We'll be back next week with that guy from Planes or something! ADIOS!

S: Oh, _no_ you don't…! **METEOR CRASH!**

I: OH, GOOD LORD…! My _car!_

S: Whoops… I know where _my_ paycheck for this is going… See ya' around, folks!

Maleficent: M&Ms…?

S: Uh…


End file.
